Only Love can Heal
Relationships are how we relate to others. We have a relationship
with everyone we know who is close to us. Relationships are not reserved
for our family or someone we are invovled with. each and every interaction
we have with another person is the act of relating. If we have a problem
relating to others, this affects our ability to have supportive relationships.
We have to ask ourselves if our relationships are supportive and,
if they are not, then ask ourselves why they are not. Every one wants
the perfect romance or marriage, but not every one looks at the mechanics
of how to have one. If we fail to have supportive relationships in
our life, how can we have the 'perfect love relationship'?
Let's look at what is a supportive relationship. The word 'support'
is very important. It means that our interaction supports another.
This means that more than supporting another in his or her decisions
or actions, we honour and validate who the other person is.
This, in turn, validates who we are. Both are supported, no one loses,
no egos are involved; and in so doing, we honour the relationship.
This is what it means to have a supportive relationship. This is the
desired goal. Now how do we accomplish it?
There are several reasons why we might have problems relating
to others. One primary reason is our behavioural patterns. These
patterns are developed over the course of our lives. It starts when
we are children, through to our adolescence, and by the time we are
adults, we have established our behavioural patterns for our relationships.
It is how we interact or respond in our relationships that determine
whether these patterns work. In addition, we can have both positive
and negative behavioural patterns. Which is reflected in our life?
The positive or the negative?
What causes negative behavioural patterns? If we look at a
person's life, we can readily see which one is negative or positive
behaviour. But we may not easily see the cause of the negative. The
cause usually resides in the past, in which a trauma or an event occured
that affects how we behave in the future. Until we can identify the
problem, we are powerless to do anything about it.
After we have identified the cause, we need to move through the experience
and experience the emotions associated with it, and receive closure
or completion, and then we must let it go, in order for the experience
to clear. When we let it go, we release it. The act of releasing is
our readiness to heal. Only after the experience has cleared can healing
Love is the energy which helps us to heal, whether we give
this love to ourselves, or we receive it from another. When we look
at having supportive, loving relationships in our life, why not start
with ourselves? Because that is where love comes from. It is not about
what we can receive from love but what we can contribute or give to
This is what transforms our relationships and our lives. We can not
love ourselves until we have been healed become whole. It is possible
only when we experience the Eternal, Unconditional Love of God. He
Himself is Love and those who know Him will be able to love others
"Love one another as I have loved you- Lord Jesus." John
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not
boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it
is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs..." 1Cor.
************************Letter 45 (15. 12. 2002)*****************